Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Heart The New Year.

(author's disclaimer: This was a post I wrote right at the end of December, in anticipation of the New Year; I don't know why I never posted it. Way to take action, dopus.)

I am not really one for New Years resolutions; I'm the sort of person that thinks if it needs fixin', why wait? (I am also the person who has an exceedingly long rope before deciding that thing needs fixin'.) Things can get pretty hairy and unruly in my universe before all of a sudden, everything is turned topsy-turvy, the polishing cloths, garbage bins and the vacuum come out, and everything is in total disarray, until it's not anymore. :)

It's exhausting just thinking about it, but I have long since reconciled myself to my cleaning style. It's maximum satisfaction, mostly because things look so different once I'm done, and I like that most of all.

Same theory applies to my self. By the time I have recovered from any given summer and all that entails in my household, kids are back in school and rhythms are resumed, it's time for the holidays, and even in our quiet little social lives it's an upheaval, when suddenly, it all comes to a screeching halt on january 1...and I relish it every year. The old slate is wiped clean, and the promise of a new as-yet-unblemished new year comes from the horizon to the foreview. I make my lists, both mental and pen-and-paper, about what didn't work for me, and what I need to do to fix it or remove it in the next year. I get immense satisfaction from these lists, even if some of the things on them are completely out of my 'real' control. Just writing it down sometimes corrals it for me, and makes it seem like I have some control over how it's going to work.

When I begin to wax philosophical about the upcoming year, and swear that this year, some things are going to change around here, bub...I find that:

This year, I whined about the family unit crumbling as the kids get older and begin to live more independent lives...and at the moment, half the family is in Reno with a branch of the family tree, while the other half stays on the home-front to fulfill athletic commitments.This is the last year of athletics conflicting with the Holidays. An era coming to an end.

This year, I whined about weight/time/food issues... They continue to be a work-in-progress, but consistently underway, which in fact keeps them from being something I resolve to accomplish in the coming small feat in itself.

This year, I whined about unemployment, and lack of direction
...and December finds Dean gainfully employed with great prospects for the future. I don't whine about my own unemployment, because I'm not, and I happen to do something that I love, though not perhaps as consistently as I would like. So be it.

The past couple of years have been difficult ones. The hardest part is that we chose the path we are on, and like anything that is difficult, the decision has been privately fraught with what-ifs and why-mes...all the while presenting the image of the devoted supporter.

In doing my little self-assessment, I found that I was doing a bit of whining. Now granted, most of it was to myself, but even the voices in ones head can be I have decided to stop the insanity. No more whining.

Do or Do Not. There is no Try. (Thank you, Yoda.) and I will add: or Cry. or Whine. or Pout. Do it, or don't do it, but shut up already. Take ACTION.

me in 2010: talking>doing.

me in 2011: talking<doing

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